Once a certain someone told me that my insta captions were cocky. Therefore that I'm cocky. That those captions say so much about who I am as a person and that they don't even know how to accept that precise fact. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that this person who I cared for thought like that and therefore didn’t see me for who I actually am. Instead of seeing a confident person that’s trying to spread that confidence into the world, they saw a self-absorbed girl who thought she was so much better than everyone else. I guess some individuals really don’t know how to see past the “facade”.
In the past, most of my captions were very confident. They were about strong women and how fearless we can be and things like that. With those types of captions, I wanted to show girls that it’s okay to be confident. That in a world where everyone seems to be pushing you down, it’s okay to lift yourself up. That there’s nothing wrong with that. One of the reasons why I was super into those kinds of quotes was also that when I was younger (primary school) I wasn’t very confident. I didn’t want to feel like that ever again. And I certainly don’t want anyone else to either. So I kind of poured it all into those captions.
I guess I knew that some wouldn’t see them for what I meant them to be, but I thought that someone who allegedly knew me, would. I thought that people close to me would see those quotes for what they really were. And when I realized that they didn’t, I noticed how strong our internet personas can actually be. I noticed how even the ones close to our heart can be fooled and start to think that we’re something we’re not.
I post a lot of... let’s say “provocative” pictures. I like to pose in swimming suits because I’m quite confident in my body. I like to post plenty of selfies because I like taking pictures of myself. So mostly I do all of this because I just like doing it and that’s it. There’s no explanation behind it, no bigger truth. But the world and the people who follow me sometimes don’t realize that.
They see a girl that is all about attention, likes, follows and shallow friendships. A girl that doesn’t “respect herself”, because she shows off her body. A girl that doesn’t have much in her head, because she likes bikinis and makeup. Or because she’s blonde. And that’s how internet personas are created. Because people see what they want to see. They believe what they want to believe.
I don’t mind having this internet persona. I think it can do good, spread some goodness into this world. If a person sees it for what it actually is of course. But some people don’t. In a way that’s also the reason why I created this blog. So that it shows how different I actually am from what I post daily on Instagram. And not because I care so much about other people’s opinions. But more because this way, people can see that there are always two sides to a story. Two sides to a person. To see that everything we show on our social media accounts can be very very different from reality. People show you only the version of themselves that they want you to see.
I do it too. I post bikini pics where my body seems like it doesn’t have any cellulite or perhaps a bit of fat. Selfies from my best angle, under the best lighting. I don’t post selfies when I wake up in the morning and look all sleepy and tired. I don’t do that because social media is the only place where I can look my best at all times. And sometimes it feels good. That’s why pretty much all of us do it. But sometimes we have to be reminded that it’s not the reality and that it never will be. And that’s okay, too. Because our little imperfections are the ones that make
us who we are. Those are the ones that cause people who love us, to love us even more. Those are the ones that, at the end of the day, actually make us imperfectly perfect.
So don’t worry about how you look to the outside world. Try to do the things that make you feel good about yourself, that make you confident and that’s it. Think of yourself for once and don’t let insignificant people tell you who you are. You know who you are, what you’re made of and what you’re all about. Does it really matter what others know or think?
I’ll end this post with that thought lingering in the air. Maybe you’ll think about it. About how much you care. And most importantly if you even should.
With love, Nina
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