Current status: Sitting on my balcony, gazing at the stars while thinking about my future. What will it be like, what will I end up doing, will I be happy...? I think that every single person reading this probably asked themselves a similar question at least once in their life. And when you’re in your 20s they become even more common. Our age is the time in our life when a part of us feels like we should have it all figured out by now, while the other one just wants to have fun without caring about a thing in the world. But the problems begin when we come to a point where we realize that in reality, we don’t even know what is it that we want.
There are so many interesting things in this life. Things that we like doing, that we like thinking about... but when we consider which one of them are we willing to do for the rest of our lives, everything turns dark. I mean how does one know that? If one loves to do everything one possibly can and at the same time nothing at all? If I like spending time outdoors and hanging out with people while also staying in my room and finishing an amazing book like “The Beautiful and Damned” what does it mean? Is the answer to my question hidden among people, or among the lines of my favorite book? I guess the only one that can answer that is me. Though not right away... But with time.
No one has it all figured out at our age. Sometimes it feels scary. To not know what exactly is it that you want to do... to not know if you should follow in your family’s footsteps or just start something on your own. Or just live a simple, but happy life even though you’re capable of “more”.
I’ll admit... sometimes these kinds of questions not just scare me, but scare the hell out of me. They scare me so much that I start questioning every decision that I've made in my life so far. I overthink everything and everyone and ask myself if things would have been different if I said yes to that job and no to the other. I overthink so deeply that I begin to feel lost. I begin to worry about the future and what it might hold. But then I remind myself that I’m not alone in this and neither are you. Feeling lost is just part of the process. Part of life. Part of you growing up and becoming the best possible version of yourself one day. And that's why you shouldn't fight it. On the opposite: you shoud embrace it.
That’s also the reason why I started writing again after some time has passed. Because it makes me feel good. Like somehow I’m the one in control. I like being in control of things, but unfortunately I have to admit that the future is something I can’t control. None of us can. We can just live day after day and hope that at some point in our lives we realize what is it that we truly want.
I'm a firm believer that we all end up right where we're supposed to be, doing what we're supposed to be doing and that everything does happen for a reason. The good and the bad. Some of the reasons may just take longer to unfold. But when they do we'll understand and laugh at how when we were 21 we worried for nothing.
With love, Nina
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